just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
