dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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