I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
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