I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
