I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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