you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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