I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
