Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
