He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
