Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
