he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
