just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
