Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you have to choose: penises or morals?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
