He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So vagazzling was a success
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize