You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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