non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
