I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize