my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
