Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
