do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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