oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize