I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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