the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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