i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you traded sex for a burrito?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
