Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She even gives head with a lisp.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
