Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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