i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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