Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
