I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
