well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
