I think I am morally bankrupt
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
