the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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