I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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