You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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