Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
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