We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
