Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
