I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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