Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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