Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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