I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Mom said you looked used
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
