He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
