You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
