oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize