Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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