i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
