how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
