low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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