you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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