Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
