i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
