hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
