I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
