Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
