it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
