I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
