I just made out with a guy for $7.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
