just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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