do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
