She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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