yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
