Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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