My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
