we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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