i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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