we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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