I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
