I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
