If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize