So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
