the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Did I show you my penis last night?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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