Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
