I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I touched a dick in church today
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
