Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
