Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
