none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My nipple is on Facebook.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
