I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so explain again why im purple
no
he thought i was a dude.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
