break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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