is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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