So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
