I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
