I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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