So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
