I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
