I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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