Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
