I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
