Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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