I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
