I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She bit a glass in half.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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