its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Fuck appropriateness.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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