she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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