butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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