Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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