and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
