and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I AM VODKA MAN
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
