OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
