hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
