Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you would pick up someone in the library
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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