I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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