The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
