I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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