i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
