When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wear drunk well.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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